Forgiveness Issues

Forgiving someone that has hurt you is one of the hardest things to do.  If you want peace and you want to be able to move on from a broken relationship, the first thing that you have to do is learn how to forgive.

A Gift for You

Forgiveness is not a gift for the person that you forgive, it is a gift for you.  When you forgive someone, you release yourself from the anger that is inside of you and you allow yourself a chance to heal and love again.  When you have vertical forgiveness, it allows you to forgive someone that has done something against you.  You are able to move on and to be confident in your life.

When you choose to forgive someone, it doesn’t mean that you are agreeing with what they did to you, but by forgiving, you are helping yourself to heal and move on.

Sometimes, as humans, we want to get revenge.  When someone hurts us, we want to figure out how to hurt them back.  The truth is the only person that this ends up hurting is us.

Horizontal Forgiveness

When you learn to forgive, you need to make sure that you are doing this in a safe manner.  You need to not put yourself at risk by being around someone that refuses to take responsibility for things that they are doing.  If you have been betrayed by someone and they aren’t taking effort to admit they hurt you, then you need to not push them and to stay away from them.  If they are willing to admit they were wrong, you might even be able to reconcile the relationship.

When things happen, there are outcomes that can come from it.  Here are some of the outcomes:

  • Pay for what damage was done.
  • Split the costs of the damage.
  • Allow yourself to take care of the costs.
  • No one takes care of the costs and the loss is the loss.

Cheating

When someone cheats on you, it is a form of betrayal that brings on death.  This death comes in the form of the relationship.

Someone that has cheated can never fix that but after the broken hearts are healed, and the cheater has paid the price, then things can be redeemed.  How does the cheater redeem themselves?  If you can, choosing forgiveness is the right choice and here is why:

Love

When you love someone, choosing to forgive is one of the hardest things to do.  Forgiving means that you have suffered, and you have been disappointed by what has happened.  Relationships do not have to point out things, but relationships should be faithful, and the relationship should make sense and should be one that is not full of pain.

When a partner cheats, this is a hard thing to deal with but the only way to fix the relationship is through forgiveness.  Forgiveness can only be paid by the person that was cheated on and not the unfaithful partner.  The unfaithful partner can be responsible for their actions but if the partner is still hurt, he or she doesn’t have to forgive.  When bad decisions are made, the people involved in will never forget what has happened and that is part of forgiveness.

Other Choices

There are other choices such as the hurt partner getting revenge, but this can only make things worse.  No matter how much suffering a person has in this situation, the hurt person will have to learn to control heir anger and shame.  When they do this, it can bring self-help to them.

Some hurt partners will become self-protective and they will always be defending themselves.  This brings on bitterness which is hard to heal from and makes them learn to disconnect and not believe in people.

Other partners will deny what has happened and will pretend that none of it was true.  They will not forgive because they will ignore that the problem was there.  Getting rid of their cheating partner will not heal the wound, it will only make them act like nothing has happened.

To Be Free

In order to be free, people have to forgive even spouses that have cheated.

Forgiveness means that you will live with the person’s betrayal and recognize that they have made mistakes.  It means that you give up the idea of having a better past and you give up the gift to have fun and happiness in your life.

When people realize that forgiveness is more than a relationship matter and they realize that reconciliation can work, the forgiveness can be more than a personal forgiveness.

Forgiveness is when we take action to forgive someone that has hurt us and caused us pain.  We forgive them for what they did to you and it allows us to have a better future.

Controlling

Those that choose to not forgive become controlled by the behavior of their unfaithful partner.  They will deal with having guilt and fear and will always worry if their spouse is remaining to be unfaithful.  They will have pain from to their spouse and as soon as the pain is gone, nothing is changed, and everyone is still hurt and bitter.

This only causes the unforgiving partner to be in a prison.  It causes them to keep their partners behavior at bay but never allows them to be happy or to get over it.  It causes them to live a miserable life and when things get even harder, this is always the first thing that comes to mind.

Saving Yourself

When you choose to love, you are choosing being there for others no matter what has went wrong.  When something terrible goes wrong, you have to choose to be merciful over being angry.  Love is showing the other person the best intentions and allowing them to show you action of love in return.

Being a Victim

When a partner cheats on you, you become a victim.  You don’t want to stay a victim though, and you need to forgive to move on.  When you have unforgiveness in your heart, you remain a victim and you become part of a toxic relationship.  This kind of thing hurts your partner, but even more so, it hurts you.  You are the one that will feel that love has failed and that you are a victim.

Conclusion

Choosing to forgive is not easy but it is worth it.  If you want to love and be with the person that has hurt you, you must first choose to forgive them.  Even if you don’t want to be with them anymore, forgiveness can bring you freedom and happiness and allow you to grow.

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