Breakups are hard. It’s hard to do it, but the aftermath can be traumatic. You can go through a range of emotions from anger to sadness to even longing for a reconnection with your ex-love.
The emotions can put a stranglehold on you and will prevent you from moving forward and finding happiness elsewhere. You must learn to stop loving the person who hurt you so badly to put it in your past and move on.
The problem is the hurt from the loss of such a relationship can run so deep that it affects your other emotions and even your actions. Hanging onto the hurt along with the love will eat at you and will lead to negative emotions like jealousy, insecurity, and depression.
Here are six things you can do to stop loving your ex:
- Cut off all contact
This may seem drastic but is necessary. This person hurt you and, therefore, could hurt you again if you maintain contact. Keeping up with them will only foster hope that you will get back together and you will feel extremely hurt once you discover they are dating someone else. So, cut all ties. Block them on social media. Erase their phone numbers from your phone. Throw away any addresses. All of this will not only keep them from contacting you but will prevent you from trying to connect with them.
- Be realistic about the break-up
We tend to romanticize past relationships. Sure, there were some good moments but they weren’t enough to sustain it. Make two lists to look at it objectively. One list is to write positive things from the relationship. The other is to list all the negative. Once you look at both, you’ll gain some perspective.
- Take some time for yourself
This is the perfect time to treat yourself right. You need to show yourself some love. After all, you are worthy to be loved. Take a hot bath to some soothing music and candles, go buy a new outfit, eat ice cream. Do things that make you happy.
You may have neglected some friends while you were in your relationship. Reconnect with them. Find some places to socialize and meet new people such as parties, concerts or places that have live music. There are many public events listed on social media, so maybe you should expand your circle of familiarity and try something new.
- Start Journaling
A great way to express your emotions about a break up is to write about it in a personal journal. This is for you and you alone, so don’t share it on social media. Write in it every day for a few minutes to release your feelings and sort things out in your head. In a year or so, you’ll be able to look back and see how you’ve grown from those first few weeks after the break-up.
- Set goals
Setting personal goals can help you move on. First, it refocuses your attention to something positive rather than the past relationship. Second, it fills your time so you don’t think about your ex. Third, it benefits you in the long run by improving your life, confidence, and experience.
Goals can be to continue your education or take a class you’ve been thinking about. It could be to go on a vacation or a weekend away, to get a pet, or take up a hobby. Anything positive in its scope is good.
The most important thing to remember is a break up isn’t the end of the world. It hurts, but time does heal all wounds. It will get better and you will be able to find love again, as long as you let this one go and move on.